Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize