she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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