You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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