Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize