I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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