thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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