Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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