Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize