my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
