she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
