she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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