there's paper in my vomit.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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She bit a glass in half.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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