This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
