my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we should paint friendship bongs
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