she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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