His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My feet surprised me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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