Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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