yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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