dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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