i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize