Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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