hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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