paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize