We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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