Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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