You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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