Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize