Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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