i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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