i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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