My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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