Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm at about main and main street
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize