He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize