i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
someone owes me an orgasm
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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