I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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