Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
tell me about the fingering
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize