dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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