end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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