there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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