His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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