I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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