I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize