he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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