3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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