I must be too annoying 4 u.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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