I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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