i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize