At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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