My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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