Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize